Monday, November 18, 2013

It is time...

Sometimes a person does the best they can to sneak in little moments here and there where they can be themselves and do the things they want to do. And every other moment is spent doing the things they "have to" do. 

And sometimes this is not enough.

I spend a couple hours here and there making my crafts or supporting HOPE Society, the organization I belong to that runs our local farmer's market and supports efforts to make our town a little more green. These things make me happy, make me feel like, in that moment, I am making a difference using the skills that I have. 

Then I have to go to work. I "have to" because I "need" money to pay bills and buy groceries.  

But it is not enough. Sure I "need" to eat. But I also need an adventure. I need to feel like I am making this world a better place. I need to create.  These things I need just as much as food.  

I have made the decision to sell my business. Yes, I have suffered a wrist injury.  But I truly feel that it is not a handicap, but a sign. It is life telling me that I am going in the wrong direction.  I am not happy.

My mother always told us that it did not matter what we did when we grew up. We didn't have to make a lot of money or be something highly revered like a doctor or a lawyer.  As long as we are happy, it did and does not matter.  I say again, I am not happy.

With this decision, I feel relief.  I see my adventure, my window to make a better world.  The world I will see.  For how can one improve upon he world if one has not seen it? 

I have resisted every urge to just drop everything and leave.  The thought has crossed my mind over and over again.  But I suppose a few extra months won't kill me.  ;) 

It is an old habit to do the "right thing". Go about things by the book. So I will sell my business. Sell it or shut it down. I have feared Houston's response to my leaving the business.  But, as my mother always told me, no one is responsible for my happiness but me. So I will do what makes me happy, after I tie up all my loose ends. 

1 comment:

  1. It's so difficult to balance the choice to be happy with finding what makes us happy. I do hope that even though you are not happy, that you at least have a sense of pride in what you have accomplished. Life does indeed guide us - if we pay attention! I'm happy that you are paying attention. This experience is valuable. Never forget the good things that you can take with you into your adventures. Life brought you here to give you that experience. You're an amazing young woman. You'll do amazing things. Keep searching, keep choosing to be happy.