It started because, at work, there are a couple jobs that just make me feel like I'm useless... simple... like I haven't amounted to anything. These include (but are not limited to) refilling stock from the overstock and vacuuming. I don't even mind vacuuming! But being told to as if I haven't noticed the crap all over the carpet is demeaning to me.
I start feeling like "I'm better than this! I was a straight A student! I owned my own business!" And I get frustrated.
So why don't I have any goals to get me ahead in life? The simple answer is money. The more accurate answer is fear. I have spent the last five years with little to no extra spending money and every time I/we save up a little safety net of cash, something comes up and we lose it. And all of this to end up on the verge of bankruptcy. Part of this is the result of previous loans. Student loans make up about half of our financial struggle.
And so the fear comes in to play. I would love to go back to college and study botany or environmental science. But the thought of getting student loans again is hard for me. I don't want to end up in this same situation again. So I sit in limbo at my minimum wage job that promotes consumerism, which I rather despise especially since I realize I succumb to it. Gotta be better, stronger, faster! But you'll only achieve this if you have the newest __________!
Anyway, I have come up with two goals:
1 - Focus my career goal from botany/environmental science to a more specific job title.
2 - Get involved somehow to help decrease the cost of education for everyone.
I love the idea of charities (preferably small ones because the larger ones tend to make way more money than they put into the actual purpose of the charity.
But first, I must make my life work around my goals. I plan to take a book keeping course and hopefully work from home, making a school schedule much more viable.